Front Parking Spot - Wife Wisdom

Front Parking Spot – Wife Wisdom

This weekend, Dads are celebrated around the world.  Obviously, I am not a Dad, but a wife who is married to a wonderful Dad of our three daughters.  Over 30 years of marriage, I have learned many things about marriage relationships.  I have created a list of 6 key elements for women to remember and implement in their own relationships with the Daddy of their own children.

1.     Women have a tendency to nag.  Don’t nag, it’s extremely annoying.  Before making a request or a statement be sure you have your husband’s full attention and then bring up the discussion point you want to share.  Otherwise, you are just talking to yourself, without him listening, and you will become frustrated.

2.     All men need respect.  Be careful of the words you say.  Avoid sentence starters like “You never,” or “Why do you always?”  Starting a conversation this way will not end up being productive.  Focus more on starting with, “I feel…”

3.     Be careful what you say about your husband in a room full of women.  Being a teacher, I am around women all the time.  It is very alarming to hear a woman “husband bash.”  Please refrain from ever doing this.  No one knows what to say to a woman who is bashing and it diminishes your husband’s value.  Remember your vow “to love and to cherish.”

4.     No one ever wants to be around a “Debbie Downer.”  Avoid becoming one.  We have all been with people who have nothing uplifting or encouraging to say. Try not to be that constant complainer to your husband.  Those types of conversations and attitudes get old quickly and leave no one with any warm and fuzzy feelings.

5.     Be sure to take care of yourself.  It has been widely acclaimed that, “If Mama isn’t happy, nobody’s happy!”  As cliché as this is, when you have some time with God, exercise, put makeup on, or clean up, you feel better about yourself and those around you can sense the difference.  Take the time to do this and see how it changes your frame of mind.  You will be infinitely more pleasant around others and you will feel better about yourself too.

6.     Pray for your husband.  The number one thing you can do daily for the man you married is to pray for him.  Many years ago, a good friend taught me a scripture I say often.  It is Luke 2:52. Pray that your husband will increase in “wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.” This is a very powerful scripture to claim over him.  Why not pray and believe it?  This is what the “Front Parking Spot” mentality and living to God’s full potential in your life, is all about, so go for it!

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One Minute Mama - Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

One Minute Mama – Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

As a young mom, it’s easy to feel like your days fall into the mundane cycle of cook, clean, sleep, repeat.  No shocker here, it does! Raising small children is a moment by moment mental and physical challenge.  A mom is responsible for their child’s needs, at all times of the day, every day. It is very easy to feel trapped in this habitual rut. Even people who don’t have children can easily slip into this phenomenon of doing the same things, the same way, all the time.  Anna R. of New Jersey addressed this concept head on as she stated, “Expose your kids to the world, take them on adventures, even if it is just locally. Try to make it a habit to get out of your comfort zone and try new things, it’ll inspire them to do the same.”

Anna has a great recommendation for all of us, because getting on the proverbial “hamster wheel of life,” is easy to do without even realizing it.  What keeps us from trying new things?

Recently, in my classroom, our guidance counselor, Rebecca Grindstaff ED.S. (Specialist in Educational Leadership, Masters in School Counseling) encouraged our students to adopt a “Growth Mindset.” The term “Growth Mindset” was developed by psychologist Carol Dweck and became popularized in her book Mindset, The New Psychology of Success. In her book, Dweck challenges her readers to move from a fixed mentality to a growth mentality. This means that instead of saying, “I can’t!” the mindset changes to, “I haven’t done that YET!” It has been inspiring to see the freedom in my students when they realize they all have the ability, if they put forth effort and are not intimidated by failure. They also come to realize that it is acceptable if something takes more than one or several attempts, especially if it is difficult. 

Circling back to Anna’s advice, nurture this principle early on in your child’s development. Expose them to new learning environments and experiences. Avoid the same routine schedule, just because it is comfortable. Drive to the new playground, go to a different library, have them try a new food at each restaurant. The possibilities are endless. Starting at a young age will enable your children to not be afraid of risk and unknown life experiences but to embrace each learning moment as a new adventure.  By seeing the need for a growth mindset in your own life, away from your own comfort zone, you are modeling an adventurous spirit for your little ones and leading by example. Now, embrace the change and go try something new. You will have a lot more to talk about at the dinner table!

 

Romans 12:2 (NKJ) “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is good and acceptable and the perfect will of God.”

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Front Parking Spot - Silver Linings

Front Parking Spot – Silver Linings

At this very moment, you and I, and all of our family members are in the middle of navigating life. At any given moment, decisions are made, events take place, and hopefully our plans go as anticipated. Other times our “Plan A” can falter and slip into a reality that we never initially imagined. I have found that when I try to deal with all of these issues on my own, my thoughts can turn emotional or the question may arise, “What could I have done differently?”  However, when I stop and ask Jesus to intervene in my situation, with his guidance and perspective, I can be confident in knowing that He has the answers. Sometimes His answers aren’t the ones we want or see but they may happen because of an unknown situation. His divine plan is always better than the one we can create or control. I call these times of change and flexibility, silver linings.

 

The definition of silver lining is a “consoling aspect of a difficult situation.” Silver linings aren’t always the ones that we choose, but they are the ones that God puts in place, so we can grow and change into the form in which He is molding us.

Challenge yourself daily to put God first in your mind as you ask for His help with these unique situations when they present themselves. If a change in plans comes along, rest assured that there is a silver lining and this is the best outcome for your life right now.

 

In addition, be kind to the people that cross your path, because you never know their circumstances, or how their own personal journey could have been altered from their original plans. Maybe they are currently working to accept their own “silver lining” and a little extra kindness may help them in their resolve.  As soon as you stop and put Him in control of your situation, you can find comfort in knowing that you have laid all of your challenges at His feet and it is now your turn to let go and trust.

 

Proverbs 3:5-6(NKJ) “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.”

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Front Parking Spot - Be Genuinely Invested

 Front Parking Spot - Be Genuinely Invested

In our lives, there are people that come and go. Some stay for a season and then others drift away and we never see them again.  Others make a mark in our lives, and every reunion with them is like you’ve never been apart.  Why is this the case?

From my experience, the difference seems to be in those who choose to genuinely invest for the long term in their relationships.  It’s the friend or family member who has your back all the time.  It’s the one who calls, just because they were thinking of you to find out what happened with the situation you were previously facing, maybe even from months ago.  It’s the one who cares and is solidly in your corner.

So why not decide to be that friend to someone else?  Step outside of your personal bubble and make a point to think of others more than yourself.  Reach out to that person when you think of them.  Don’t believe that since you follow them on social media you are “up to date” with what is happening in their lives. Never assume that a “like” on a person’s post replaces a real and authentic conversation.  The day to day moments and life decisions are not usually chronicled on social media.  Call them when you think of it, instead of simply sending a text.  This phenomenon is the Holy Spirit purposefully prompting you, so this is your que to be obedient.  You may be the only one who takes action, when everyone else keeps putting it off.  Let your conversation be “just what they needed to hear” in regard to something that has been weighing on them or a decision that they are struggling with.

Right here and now, I challenge you to be that genuine friend that others thank God for in their prayers.  You will find that this support will come right back to you when you need that personal phone call of encouragement, yourself.  Make a mental or actual note about something they have said and circle back to that the next time you see them.  Adopt this practice and you will be amazed by the unbreakable relationships that you will treasure, as your life progresses throughout the decades.

Luke 11:5 And he said unto them, which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say to him, Friend, lend me three loaves.

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One Minute Mama - The Days Go Slow but the Years Fly By!

One Minute Mama – The Days Go Slow but the Years Fly By

Mother’s Day is upon us. It’s time for Moms across the world to have a moment to themselves to relish in a job well done and take that proverbial “breather.”  When your kids are small, you are physically busy every moment, from tying shoes, making food, driving to activities, helping with homework or attempting to clean up the house for the 5th time that day.

When your kids become teenagers, your physical work changes to mental gymnastics.  It is a constant challenge to figure out what is going on in their minds regarding peer pressure, friend dynamics and the ever-present school issues.  You are shocked to realized you are not as “cool” to them as you were when they were little.  You never thought you would be viewed this way by your child who has always adored you.  A key component during these years is to find a church or teenage small group where there are leaders or other adults that can pour into their lives and echo the advice you are telling them.  For some reason, kids can sometimes hear life messages this way a little more clearly.

Then the college years come and slowly you become a friend to them again.  You are a phone call away when they are sick and need your Mom advice on how to feel better.  They know they can ask you for money when they don’t know where theirs has gone.  You are their sounding board when their roommate has become “weird” and friendship issues surface where there were never problems before. Then they graduate and their next exciting chapter stands before them.  You are on the sidelines as their biggest cheerleader as they begin to navigate life, just as you have prayed.

Where do the years go?  They fly by.  People tell you this when they are little and you don’t believe them because you are too knee deep in motherhood.  Enjoy them at every stage, know that all the work is worth it.  Don’t compromise what you know is right in raising them and pray every step of the way for God’s perfect will on their life.  Remember you are the vessel that God used to mold and shape them. Just release all of the control to Him and then breathe!

Proverbs 22:6 NIV “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

 

 

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The Long Haul

Front Parking Spot – The Long Haul

It was 62 years ago that my parents exchanged their life long wedding vows.  They were married 60 years when my Dad passed away, just 2 years ago.   As I was thinking about my post for today, a clear topic emerged.  What makes a couple go through the long haul of 60 years of marriage together?  

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Seek God

This is a big weekend for Christian and Jewish families.  Christians around the world will be celebrating Easter, remembering when Jesus rose from the dead, as He said He would (Mark 16:7).  In addition, the Jewish faith commemorates the beginning of Passover, the time when the Israelites were freed from Egyptian slavery more than 3,000 years ago (Exodus 12).

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Growing

Think back to something you tried for the first time. I’m sure there was some anticipation of how it was going to go and how successful you would be. It doesn’t matter what it was, doing something for the first time takes confidence and courage. For a child EVERYTHING is new, so there is an element of the unknown daily.

Anna R. from New Jersey states, “Try to look at things through your child’s eye when you’re feeling frustrated with them. They are constantly growing and changing.  Pausing to remember that they are still learning how to cope with the big wide world puts things into perspective.”

So, take a deep breath, be calm and explain to your little one exactly what is going on. Your calming words will eventually settle their fears and they will tackle something new in a more peaceful way.

Proverbs 22:6 NIV- Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.”

 

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Take Care of Yourself

It is a known fact that a mom is on call 24/7.  Moms are always aware of the dinner plan, or lack thereof.  They keep a running tally of everything needed at the grocery store, either with, or without a list, even as they mentally scroll through the next day’s events.

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Front Parking Spot - Narrow Road

Life.  It’s pretty simple if we let it be. Why do we complicate it? There is a constant pull in this world to be the best, the most popular, the one with the most happening, but why do we let this control our actions? Why do we need to be like everyone else going through the wide gate? When we know it says that the wide gate brings destruction. Who wants that?

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