Don't Be Nice
Yellowstone National Park
Love
Joy
Peace
Patience
Kindness
Goodness
Faithfulness
Gentleness
Self-Control
If you have been in church at all, the fruits of the Spirit, written in Galatians 5:22-23 have been something you have heard quoted multiple times. Even after studying them for some time, I often quote them out of order. I usually say the first 5, right, but then the later part of the list sometimes gets all jumbled up. After all, they are all excellent traits of being a person, and I try to strive for this as a Christian woman. Do you notice a particular word that is missing from the list and is used all the time by people everywhere? If you are stumped, I'll remove the guesswork; that word is "nice." There is no place where "nice" is used in the Bible. If you find one, please tell me where it is. Good ahead. Research it, but you will not see the word. This discovery was new to me; I had never thought about it before, but this is true. I remember as a teacher when I wrote lessons to expand a student's vocabulary in their writing pieces, I would tell them that "nice" was a trash word, and we would go to great effort putting the word in the cute cutout trash can I created on a bulletin board. As the year progressed, other overused and empty words joined "nice" in the trash can. We all need to replace the word nice and its meaning with kind.
Stay with me as I explain.
Going back over the list in Galatians, is there a reason for the order? Yes, there is a hierarchy of the fruits of the Spirit. The top of it all is LOVE. When you have love, joy will follow, followed by peace and patience. Then we come to kindness and goodness smack dab in the middle. When I repeat, the fruits of the Spirit, kindness, and goodness seem synonyms and interchangeable with little differentiation. However, thanks to Brett Smith, my Sunday school teacher for over 17 years, there are huge differences.
Before diving into the fruits, let's continue reading the scripture after mentioning these characteristics. Galatians 5:25 states, "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."
This raises the question of how I genuinely exemplify these traits. I may hear a great message in church and want to be that gal who exemplifies these traits, but then my flesh gets in the way as soon as I step into the real world. Someone may cut me off while driving, I may be misunderstood by someone and talked about, or I may lose patience when something doesn't get done after repeated requests. It is easy to slip into all my humanness and have these traits go out the door. But let's look at that scripture more closely; to live by the Spirit, I need to keep in step with the Spirit. What does this mean? It is an active and moment-by-moment prayer and action. When someone does something to you, try these four steps:
Wait
Breathe
Pray
Obey
Back to kindness and goodness, they seem to go together like brother and sister, but they do not. Think of it this way. Kindness is a feeling. It is an attitude, desire, motivation, and intention that moves my heart. But goodness is an act of kindness. The Bible says to be doers of the word, not just listeners. (James 1:22) So kindness and goodness work together in tandem. When you get a thought to be kind, that is great, but don't just leave it as a thought. Do something with that thought; that is the goodness component.
Being kind benefits all people. It is telling the truth when the Spirit tells you to speak. On the flip side, so many of us are "nice" and don't want to speak up or rock the boat with the kindness that someone needs to hear. A friend may tell you all the reasons her boyfriend is not right for her, and a nice reply is, "Well, no one is perfect." Maybe she needs to hear something kind for her betterment, such as, "Perhaps you two aren't meant to be together. Remember your relationship affects four people: you and your current boyfriend, a new boy you are meant to be with, and a new girlfriend your current boy is supposed to be with." People can avoid being kind with truth under the impression of not wanting to intervene or that it's "None of their business," but being in step with what the Holy Spirit wants you to share is being obedient and not just telling a person what they want to hear. This dynamic can be in all relationships you meet on your path in life. It could be a waitress who randomly mentions a concern, and God gives you a word for her. It could be a co-worker who mentions something out of the blue. More importantly, it could be one of your children who needs to hear your kind wisdom. It makes my heart so happy when one of my daughters calls to share a predicament and wants my advice. I pray that I give them the truth that aligns with the Spirit. Sometimes, these things are easy and reassuring to hear, but sometimes kindness cuts to the core of something more significant they are dealing with and need to hear. I pray that I walk in step with what God has for them so it is of Him and not me.
So, moms, be aware of the situations that touch your heart and become the hand of goodness to do something about them. This is how to be in step with the Holy Spirit with the people in your life. By your kindness and His truth, give people God's perspective and truth and avoid being “nice” as the world has become with the hollowness it offers.